Beyond Behavior Management: The Systematic Approach That Transforms Programs and Retains Staff
It’s probably happened to you.
You get to the end of your day and it feels like all you did was put out fires. No strategic thinking, no coaching of staff, no organizing that pile of papers on your desk – just getting your steps in as you run around your program.
It’s probably happened to you that you find yourself wondering why kid behavior seems so much more: more intense, more needy, at times more violent.
It’s probably happened to you that staff themselves seem much more stressed, unable to determine when to bring a behavior to you or just deal with it themselves. It certainly happened to me, and behavior management is an issue I constantly hear about as I travel and talk to OST (Out-of-School Time) leaders. If you're spending more time putting out behavioral fires than leading your program, you're not alone
There are a lot of outside world reasons why your program isn’t managing behaviors effectively. Some point to post pandemic increases in behavioral issues, others to the increasing “iPad generation” that has less social skills. Others will say it’s both of those or none of those. Your traditional management strategies are likely failing, and without really knowing your program I can probably tell you why – they’re too individualistic, don’t focus on the community, and rely too much on the interpersonal relationship building of staff to participant. That last one can be particularly insidious, forcing a high emotional labor toll on your staff who absolutely know they are not as good as managing behavior as they’d like and would instead just like to get on to the, you know, fun and inspiring part of working with kids. When you focus on the individual, you forget the larger, complex picture.
The solution? Think in systems, even about behavior. Systems are not just about a good spreadsheet or having walkie-talkies that work (although they certainly help!) Instead, great systems can transform your approach, protect you and your organization, better prepare staff, increase satisfaction, and ultimately increase your retention of staff and kids. Plus, behavior issues will go down!
The Problem with Traditional Behavior Management
I get hired the most to help with behavior issues. When I assess a program, there are a few things I see across programs - any of this sound like your program?:
Most behavior management isn’t management at all – it’s reactive and includes a decent amount of yelling, trying to intimidate a kid, and punitive discipline policies (like losing a dessert for talking back to a staff member)
Line Staff (Group leaders, counselors, etc.) are expected to handle severe behavior issues outside their skill set
Leadership staff are expected to handle small behavior issues that line staff should handle, taking up a large portion of their time
It feels like there are no real consequences being given – ever
In fact, bad behavior management just leads to a lot of unhappiness – staff feel unsupported, kids feel like others get away with things, and the program suffers. When staff don’t feel supported or good at their job they are much more likely to leave, and with them any institutional knowledge or relationship knowledge of the kids with them. When I ran programs, staff would get most frustrated that they couldn’t handle their kids appropriately. They knew kids sometimes made mistakes, but they didn’t feel like they had the skills to do their job. It wasn’t until I introduced new concepts to them that it all started to click.
Systems Thinking: A New Approach
A typical approach to behavior management in a program might focus on individual parts, such as:
Rewriting the family handbook
Conducting a 1-hour training to help with behaviors
Creating a document saying what a leadership staff member might handle or not
Buying a bunch of fidget toys and stress balls
In isolation all of those are doomed to be ineffective. Instead, you need a new approach: a systems approach. A systems approach is a way of thinking about sticky problems not as individual parts but as interlocking parts that affect each other. Nothing is in isolation – everything has an impact somewhere else. Such an approach can sound intuitive but feel overwhelming – if you’re thinking about the whole system, you’re thinking about so many things at once! Yes, you’re right about all that – and you don’t need to change it all at once. You just need to start somewhere.
You can start by reframing the need that everything be about the individual – if only your staff were better/had more training/knew the kids better and instead think about what supports your staff need. You can work with the staff you have and not the staff you wish you had by giving them trainings and systems to be successful. To paraphrase a quote that makes rounds on the internet: don’t expect staff to rise to the occasion, instead expect them to fall to their level of training. So, train better, and provide better systems of support.
Training is a key part of a system but not the only part. In fact, at Thrive Point Studio we believe that an organization needs three overlapping concepts to implement effective systems thinking:
Strong individual habits & beliefs
Intentionally designed culture that reinforces individual and group success
Intentionally designed systems that reinforce cultural norms and individual habits
Think of these three concepts as legs on a stool; without one, the system won’t work. We sometimes think of “fixing” the individual but ignore the culture around them. Other times we struggle with policy and systems that don’t seem to support staff or have their buy-in. Still other times it can feel like a series of factions struggling against each other rather than seeking out collaboration. Your “Thrive Point” is the intersection of these concepts, and the beginning of systems thinking!
Systems thinking is a tricky thing to train yourself on, but you can do it! Here are a few ways you can start thinking in terms of systems across your program:
Starting by noticing the connections you see between parts of your program – how do your written policies play out during the day to day? How are they connected to your trainings? To your mission and values? Do you even have a good mission and values (blog post coming on that soon!)
Constantly ask the “why” behind situations, and not just “why” that person did what they did. Did they have gaps in their training? Lack of support? How did the system fail them?
Map out the system and patterns you see – what is the entire process of a kid coming through your program? A staff member from application to final day? Patterns of behavior consequences given to some kids and not others
So much to think about in future blog posts! Back to the behavior management view of systems.
Implementing a Behavior System
You need to assess the state of your system – you have one whether you realize it or not! A great systematized approach to behavior systems has a few key components. How many of these do you have right now? How many are working well?
Excellent Individual Skills to Manage Behavior – This is your training and quality of staff! Do you give your staff simple teacher moves, trauma informed practices, how to implement routines, or anything like that? They need the basics, they can’t just rely on their own charisma and relationship building (Honestly, what will they do to manage behavior 20 minutes into program when the relationships are not yet built?)
Role Clarity On Who Responds to What Behavior – Think of it as a range or spectrum. What low-grade behaviors do you expect your staff to respond to without involving leadership? What might be kicked up to middle management? Top management? What might involve outside forces such as emergency services? Your staff should be able to handle a kid doing some slight talking back. They should not be expected to shoulder the responsibility if a kid has lit a cabin on fire (it’s happened!)
A Daily Ritual to Review & Manage Behavior – You need a system that brings bright minds together to discuss behaviors, document what needs to be documented, and communicate out to staff. The best systems pull from best practices in schools and have a team of folks deciding consequences, not just one person, to reduce bias in the process. When you communicate it out to the rest of your staff you reduce line staff thinking that “they” (meaning you!) are not doing anything.
A Process to Help Kids Improve Their Behavior – We’re talking consequences and behavior plans. You could probably sit down now and anticipate the behaviors you’ll see in your program. You don’t need to decide in the moment the consequences: create a bank you can pull from (especially when you’re likely much more levelheaded now than in the moment). This includes creating behavior contracts – more on that in another post!
Interested in more specifics? Reach out! We’ve helped organizations transform their systems from punitive “three strikes” to more effective systems that make everyone happier. You’ll be able to find templates on our Pinterest and tips and tricks on our Instagram.
Impact on Staff Success
It can be easy to always focus on the kids in your program – you are in the business of relationships! However, I’ve always had more of an “staff first” approach – I believe, like others in business, that if you (i.e leadership) take care of your staff, they will take care of your customers (families and kids). Remember, staff leave jobs when they don’t feel supported, in particular around kid behavior.
Let’s look at the four parts of a behavior system mentioned above and how they can improve your staff’s success:
Excellent Individual Skills to Manage Behavior
This one can feel the most obvious. Staff don’t come in knowing how to manage kids. They might know how to manage one or two kids in isolation, but rarely groups of kids. I used to ask folks in interviews about how they would handle a behavioral situation, and so often I would hear “I’d pull the kid aside and talk to them.” I’d always respond “well, what are the other 8/10/15 kids doing?” Behavior management is a specific skill set (more blogs coming soon!). Some specific trainings that could help your staff feel better:
Basic behavior management training that includes the “teacher stare” and proximity (a training I’ve taught countless times!) can give them the back pocket tools to feel like they can handle most things.
Training around mental health or trauma informed practices (mental health first aid trainings are great and I highly recommend) can help staff manage the underlying “why” of presenting behavior and give them a bit more empathy.
Trainings around routines and rituals can help staff “automate” some of the behaviors they need from kids, reducing the number of decisions the staff need to make in a given day.
Give them more training and they’ll likely do better!
Role Clarity On Who Responds to What Behavior
Your line staff should not be expected to handle the same behaviors as your leadership staff. You can burn out either group when they don’t know what’s expected of them. Staff want to know what’s expected of them so they can do their jobs! While behavior can be murky, most behaviors can be sorted into buckets of who does what, allowing staff to be more efficient with their time and energy. Line staff feel supported because they know what behavior issues they can “kick up” and leadership staff feel like less of their time is taken fighting fires because they know line staff are expected to handle basic behavioral things. I’d argue role clarity is a better way to support your staff than pizza parties or candy bars – certainly worked better when I ran programs (although a random pizza party can be a good thing – just as an add-on, not as a replacement for good management).
A Daily Ritual to Review & Manage Behavior
Your leadership need support too! When they come together to collectively make decisions about behavior, you tend to have better outcomes. Robust discussion with a variety of viewpoints will often uncover the underlying “why” of the behavior and provide more effective consequences. Plus, it provides a check on bias that comes up when a single person is making such decisions. You then need to communicate that to staff in some way – staff can really get disgruntled when the “they” is making decisions they don’t understand. When staff know leadership is following up, that they are being listened to and problems dealt with, they feel supported, are better at their jobs, and ultimately decide to stay!
A Process to Help Kids Improve Their Behavior
Kids don’t always know how to improve their behavior – but they want to! Behavior can feel so personal (another blog post soon on that!) and can be so rooted in cultural values. You know kids are going to make mistakes. When everyone (staff, kids, families) knows what happens when those mistakes happen, everyone is happier. I’m not talking about punitive consequences – I’m talking about robust behavior plans that identify the behavioral issue that needs changing, gives support and concrete ways to change that behavior, and a preview of what will happen if things don’t change. Behavior contracts show staff you’re doing something. Bonus points if they are involved with the creation of it – they learn and a new skill and feel ownership over the process!
Impact on Youth Success
You can likely guess what impacts might come out of each of the recommendations for kids! Yes, focus on staff, but don’t forget about the kids. When you better manage behavior, kids ultimately have more fun and feel like they are being yelled at less! Looking at our four recommendations, we can see they also have a positive impact on youth success.
Excellent Individual Skills to Manage Behavior
Kids don’t want to be yelled at. Staff don’t want to yell at kids. Your staff is likely doing too much yelling. When staff have the skills to manage behavior effectively, kids respond well. Kids want boundaries – they just will never ask for them. When your staff can maintain them effectively, kids both can just have fun in the programand feel like behaviors are followed up on. Kid morale plummets when they feel they can get away with things, or worse – they feel other kids are getting away with stuff they shouldn’t.
Role Clarity On Who Responds to What Behavior
Kids are so good at knowing when an adult is lying and when an adult is struggling to manage their behavior. Kids also respond differently to front-line staff and leadership staff. In fact, your leadership staff should be used for the bigger behavior things so that kids know it’s serious when they must see a leadership person. Kids also feel better held when they aren’t sent away for every little infraction.
A Daily Ritual to Review & Manage Behavior
Kids make mistakes – we know that! Kids benefit from consequences that feel logical and restorative rather than punitive. Behavior can change when it’s connected to the impact of that behavior and that kids begin to see the different between intent and impact. When a group of adults come together, they are much more likely to produce better consequences that still maintain the dignity of the child, give them a path to grow in the community, and keep everyone else safe.
A Process to Help Kids Improve Their Behavior
No kid wants to be on a behavior contract. However, a written document that is clearly outlining what they can do to be successful can be HUGE. Kids appreciate the clarity such a contract can give, both in how to they will be supported and what is expected of them.
Strong behavior systems have a few additional benefits for kids:
They create predictability, and in predictability there is safety. We’re not talking making your epic banquet idea predictable – we’re talking about the knowledge that kids know staff will keep them safe and manage them effectively.
They support positive behavior choices that help kids grow. No matter your organization, when you work with kids you’re in the growth business. Strong systems help you live up to your vision of growing great kids, consistently.
They improve program engagement. When you’re not fighting behaviors all the time staff can actually teach and inspire and kids can just have a good time!
Concluding Thoughts
It’s probably happened to you – you got excited about a new concept and can’t wait to implement it. I’ve been there – that’s the beauty of great conferences! I have also experienced my inspired notes fade away weeks later when that glow passes. However, your behavior issues with kids will likely still be there – and they don’t have to be. Systems can help.
I believe that we often attribute to a lack of will what is actually a lack of skill. If staff only worked harder, be better, and followed rules you wouldn’t have behavior issues. If only leadership staff managed and coached better, worked harder, and followed the rules you won’t have behavior issues. That might be true, but I’ve rarely appreciated a boss that just told me to work harder and didn’t give me any new tools to be better, including strong systems. However, when you start incorporating systems thinking you find ways to improve the skills of your staff and realize it never really was a will issue.
Behavior issues in your program won’t be solved overnight, and you shouldn’t trust anyone who tells you it will. However, a focus on building systems can make it improve over time, increase retention, reduce burnout, and lead to simply more fun. You, your staff, and your kids deserve the best program you can build, and effective systems around behavior are a key foundational part of that.
Interested in knowing more? Talk to us! Feel free to reach out to us with your questions and follow us on LinkedIn, Instagram, and Pinterest! We’ll be able to help you solve your problems.
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