Beyond the Drama Cycle: Seeing Systems Instead of Stories
Why do staff meetings need to be so difficult?
How many times have you been in a particularly tense one, hearing voices getting louder and people retreating into their positions? Everyone thinks they know exactly what is going on:
The Program Coordinator is angry about the schedule change
The Arts Specialist is being stubborn (again)
You (the leader) are frustrated yet again at all the attitudes in the room.
It can feel like performing a meaningless drama – and that’s because it usually is. Often in meeting we end up not responding to each other but instead to the stories we have made up about each other. We are performing in what organizational theorist Barry Oshry calls “the Side Show” – the space where everything feels so personal and we create stories of heroes and villains and ultimately divert energy from our main purpose. We are focused on the “stuff” that comes our way and have a lot of feeling about it. It’s debilitating to organizations and prevents them from being their best version of themselves.
What if we could collectively step out of the Side Show and into the “Center Ring” – the space where we approach challenges systematically rather than personally?
What if, instead of casting blame all around, we got curious about the patterns and structures creating our difficulties?
What if we got to the Center Ring and actually noticed:
The Program Coordinator was actually upset about what she perceived as disrespect for her time
The Arts Specialist was trying to protect what we believed was essential for the participants
You were actually just feeling the pressure from upcoming program deadlines.
The shift from Side Show to Center Ring is perhaps one of the most powerful moves you can make as a program leader. Choosing to step out of the Side Show and into the Center Ring can have profound impacts on program quality and staff retention.
The Side Show in Youth Programs
Without knowing your program at all, I bet I could name some moments that still sound so familiar:
Staff tensions that boil over into teams and alliances – us vs. them
Family complains that become about their “attitude” rather than the issue
Youth behavioral issues that become about the child being “difficult” rather than understanding the patterns
Budget constraints that lead to being territorial, blame, and defensiveness.
We are naturally drawn to drama and intrigue and our brains try to create clear narrative arcs in our lives. When we are emotionally uncertain, the Side Show provides clarity and comfort. It provides a false sense of righteousness through blaming the person rather than looking at the entire system.
You’ve seen how it makes your program worse. Energy is diverted to deal with interpersonal drama. Rather than creatively solving problems everyone is defensive. Staff feel burnt out and aren’t modeling the conflict resolution for the participants you want. All of it means you’re missing opportunities for growth and learning. It can feel particularly toxic – because it is. It’s also so easy to fall into!
Recognizing When You’re in the Side Show
You’ve been in the side show before. There are a few key tells that you or someone you know are in it. If you find yourself answering “yes” to three of more of the following questions, you are likely in the side show:
Am I focusing more on who's involved than what's happening? (Seeing personalities rather than patterns)
Does this situation feel emotionally charged beyond its actual impact on our program? (Experiencing strong feelings of righteousness or victimhood)
Have I cast myself as the reasonable hero and others as difficult obstacles? (Creating a simplified narrative with clear heroes and villains)
Is this issue pulling significant focus from our core purpose and youth outcomes? (Disconnecting from mission in favor of interpersonal drama)
Am I certain I know what's really happening without needing to ask questions? (Resisting curiosity about systemic factors or others' perspectives)
Check out this full self-assessment tool to determine if you are in the Side Show. If you are, it’s time to get out of the drama.
The Center Ring: Where Purpose Lives
To leave the Side Show and enter the Center Ring we must take into account the world the their person lives in – what are they dealing with? What is impacting how they are acting? It’s not always easy, but it does mean when we’re there we:
We seek to understand the worlds of others and recognize that their behaviors make sense in their own context
We pause before jumping to negative judgments about others’ intentions or character, first considering systemic factors rather than personality flaws
We notice when “stuff” happens but we don’t get hooked by it. Instead of getting derailed, we acknowledge it and move on
We maintain our focus on what really matters – our mission, our young people, our program.
We think strategically, considering the pressures and contexts others are operating in when planning our approaches
We look for ways to ease others’ conditions so they can partner with us effectively – removing barriers rather than just demanding they perform better
We consistently choose partnership over blame, working to maintain productive relationships even when challenges arise.
When we’re in the Center Ring we don’t ignore problems – we are addressing them at a deeper, more effective level by seeing the systems at play rather than just the surface drama.
To use another metaphor, it’s the difference between being on the balcony or the dance floor. From Ron Heifetz and Marty Linsky’s book Adaptive Leadership, being on the balcony means gaining perspective on the situation by getting out of the action of the dancefloor. This is similar – you’re removing yourself from the drama and action, taking a step back, and trying to figure out the bigger why.
Sounds great, right?
Let’s talk about how to move from the Side Show to the Center Ring.
Tools for Center Ring Thinking
Making the shift is not always easy. You making the shift doesn’t mean others will follow. However, as you develop the habit in yourself you can build it in your team. It requires practical strategies and consistent practice! Here are a few concrete approaches to help you and your team make this transformative move.
The Four Center Ring Questions
When you find yourself pulled towards the drama and want to stay in the Center Ring, use these questions to focus and shift perspective:
The Purpose Question – What are we really here to accomplish?
This question cuts through distractions and reconnects folks to the mission. Use it when:
Meetings drift into personality discussions
Conflicts arise between departments or individuals
You're deciding how to allocate limited resources
You feel yourself becoming defensive or righteous
The purpose question works because it shifts everyone's attention from immediate drama to the young people you all serve.
The Context Question – What might be happening in their world?
This question interrupts our urge to attribute behaviors to character flaws in others:
Consider role-specific pressures others might be experiencing
Identify information others have that you don't (and vice versa)
Explore how their past experiences might influence current perceptions
When someone's actions seem unreasonable, this question helps you see the system forces at play.
The Pattern Question – Is this a one-time issue or a recurring pattern?
It’s easy to focus on the single incident. Look beyond that to reveal deeper system dynamics:
Notice if similar situations occur with different people involved
Identify conditions that typically precede these challenges
Track when and where problems emerge to reveal underlying patterns
The pattern question moves you from treating symptoms to addressing root caus
The Systems Question – What structures are contributing to this situation?
This question uncovers the invisible forces shaping behavior:
Examine how meeting structures and communication channels influence interactions
Consider how resource allocation patterns might create tension
Look at how decision-making processes might exclude key perspectives
By identifying the structures that make certain behaviors more likely, you gain powerful leverage points for creating lasting change.
The Side Show Interruption Protocol
When you noticed folks are slipping into the Side Show, this simple four-step process can help shift the focus:
Name the pattern without blame: "I notice we're focusing on personalities rather than the issue itself."
Reconnect with you purpose: "Let's remember what we're trying to accomplish for our youth."
Ask a systems question: "What patterns or structures might be contributing to this challenge?"
Propose concrete next steps that address system issues rather than personalities
Sample language for different scenarios:
When blame emerges: "I wonder if there's something in our process that's setting people up for this situation."
When emotions run high: "I can see this matters deeply. What might this intensity tell us about our system?"
When resistance arises: "I understand this perspective feels important. How might it connect to our larger purpose?"
The Bigger Picture: Systems at Work
Here's something that might help you understand why the Side Show is so tempting. When we're caught up in the drama, we can't see beyond our own position - what Barry Oshry calls "spatial blindness." You literally can't see what others are dealing with.
Think about it:
Your Program Director is swamped with budget pressures and enrollment targets
Your Program Coordinator is being pulled between what leadership wants and what staff need
Your Activity Leaders are managing behaviors and trying to deliver quality experiences
When that Arts Specialist pushes back on your schedule change, they might be feeling vulnerable - like decisions are being made without considering their reality. Meanwhile, you're carrying the weight of the entire program and wondering why they don't just get on board.
Sound familiar?
The Center Ring helps everyone recognize these different perspectives without taking them personally. Instead of seeing "difficult staff" or "unsupportive leaders," you start to see patterns that naturally happen in organizations.
What would change if you asked: "What's it like in their position right now?"
Concluding Thoughts
Staff meetings don’t need to be so tough. When you seek to leave the Side Show and enter the Center ring, you shift your organization:
When you shift from blame to systems thinking, you create psychological safety
When you focus on patterns rather than personalities, you model problem-solving
When you direct energy toward purpose, you inspire deeper engagement
Moving from Side Show to Center Ring thinking isn't something you master once and for all—it's an ongoing practice that deepens over time. There will be days when you slip back into drama. The goal isn't perfection but awareness and recovery.
As you develop this practice, you'll begin to see beyond isolated incidents to the web of relationships that form your system—the connections between Top, Middle, and Bottom positions that shape behavior throughout your organization.
Imagine your program when everyone focuses on the Center Ring: staff energized by purpose rather than drained by drama, young people experiencing adults modeling healthy approaches to challenge, and a culture where continuous improvement flourishes.
That's the true magic that happens in the Center Ring.
We’re here to help you through this. We can coach you through the steps, plan your retreat, and so much more. Feel free to reach out to us with your questions and follow us on LinkedIn, Instagram, and Pinterest! We’ll be able to help you solve your problems.
Interested in working with us? Sign up for a free 30-minute call to assess your systems and see how we can help.
